State of Play. Austalian election, 2010.
I hate to bore you with more local politics… no I don’t.
We still do not have a government. We have Adam Brandt (Green, Melbourne) and Andrew Wilkie (independent, ex spy) from Dennison Tasmania, supporting Labor and three independents still to decide which party to support so no party can yet claim a majority..
I say the only sensible outcome now is Tony Windsor for Speaker of the House, Bob Oakshot joins Labor and Bob Katter stays out in the hot. He can’t be included because no Prime Minister could ever meet all his demands. But then again, if he isn’t included he could, at a whim, bring down
the government. So what can be done with him?
In the interests of stability, he must be offered the position of Speaker!
Then imagine how he, self confessed paranoid, (five locks on his doors and a gun under every bed in the house, I was told), would handle the job.
“Are you talking to me?”
“Yes, Mr Speaker, I was merely following procedure by addressing the chair. What I was…”
“Well, don’t waste my time on bloody procedure, get on with it!”
“Yes Mr Speaker, as I was saying, Mr Speaker, there is a matter of…”
“Listen mate, what’s your name again?”
“I am the member for O'Connor, Mr Speaker.”
“How hard is it mate? I asked your name, not where you live in fairyland. What’s the name your mother calls you. What’s your name?”
“My name is Wilson Tuckey, Mr Speaker.”
“So your mother calls you Wilson Tuckey?”
“No Mr Speaker, Mum calls me Bunnykins.”
“Wilson, I am tempted, but in here I will call you Wilson and you call me Bob. OK?”
“Yes, Mr Speaker.”
“Wilson, listen to me. I never wanted to be a Mr Speaker, I just wanted to be Bob Katter, rough head from the bush, shit stirrer and good old boy totting up my super. So humour me and call me Bob.”
“Do you want me to call you Bob in here, Mr Speaker?”
“Yes, Wilson, I do.”
“All right then, but what do I call you at the pub?”
“Mate, at the pub I need to impress, so you call me Mr Speaker!”
“OK Bob. Now listen Bob, I reckon it’s time to get the big retailers off the farmers’ back. I say we line the bastards up and shoot a few and the others’ll soon get…”
“Point of order, Mr Speaker! The member for O'Connor is using unparliamentary language and…”
“Sit down wanker! Bunnykins has the floor! (I could get used to this!)”
Just kiddin' Bob... er Mr Speaker.
Note: I am fairly certain nobody, not even his mother was ever brave enough to call 'Iron Bar' Tuckey Bunnykins, so I assure him this is all in fun. Pity he lost his seat this election. His commnets were always worth a wince or a laugh.