Friday, 3 September 2010

Katter for Speaker

State of Play. Austalian election, 2010.

I hate to bore you with more local politics… no I don’t.
We still do not have a government. We have Adam Brandt (Green, Melbourne) and Andrew Wilkie (independent, ex spy) from Dennison Tasmania, supporting Labor and three independents still to decide which party to support so no party can yet claim a majority..

I say the only sensible outcome now is Tony Windsor for Speaker of the House, Bob Oakshot joins Labor and Bob Katter stays out in the hot. He can’t be included because no Prime Minister could ever meet all his demands. But then again, if he isn’t included he could, at a whim, bring down
the government. So what can be done with him?

In the interests of stability, he must be offered the position of Speaker!
Then imagine how he, self confessed paranoid, (five locks on his doors and a gun under every bed in the house, I was told), would handle the job.

“Mr Speaker…”
“Are you talking to me?”
“Yes, Mr Speaker, I was merely following procedure by addressing the chair. What I was…”
“Well, don’t waste my time on bloody procedure, get on with it!”
“Yes Mr Speaker, as I was saying, Mr Speaker, there is a matter of…”
“Listen mate, what’s your name again?”
“I am the member for O'Connor, Mr Speaker.”
“How hard is it mate? I asked your name, not where you live in fairyland. What’s the name your mother calls you. What’s your name?”
“My name is Wilson Tuckey, Mr Speaker.”
“So your mother calls you Wilson Tuckey?”
“No Mr Speaker, Mum calls me Bunnykins.”
“Wilson, I am tempted, but in here I will call you Wilson and you call me Bob. OK?”
“Yes, Mr Speaker.”
“Wilson, listen to me. I never wanted to be a Mr Speaker, I just wanted to be Bob Katter, rough head from the bush, shit stirrer and good old boy totting up my super. So humour me and call me Bob.”
“Do you want me to call you Bob in here, Mr Speaker?”
“Yes, Wilson, I do.”
“All right then, but what do I call you at the pub?”
“Mate, at the pub I need to impress, so you call me Mr Speaker!”
“OK Bob. Now listen Bob, I reckon it’s time to get the big retailers off the farmers’ back. I say we line the bastards up and shoot a few and the others’ll soon get…”
“Point of order, Mr Speaker! The member for O'Connor is using unparliamentary language and…”
“Sit down wanker! Bunnykins has the floor! (I could get used to this!)”

Just kiddin' Bob... er Mr Speaker.
Note: I am fairly certain nobody, not even his mother was ever brave enough to call 'Iron Bar' Tuckey Bunnykins, so I assure him this is all in fun. Pity he lost his seat this election. His commnets were always worth a wince or a laugh.


  1. ... his face tells the story! Hope this gets settled soon (and you are happy with the result.)

  2. Bob is a rare and colourful character in a political scene where almost everyone concentrates most of their energy avoiding controversy. The photo does him justice! :-)

  3. Bwahahahahaha - good one Stafford.

    Bob's not paranoid - there really are a lot of people out to get him. I was tweeting about Bob yesterday, not in a flattering way either. He says there are no homosexuals in his electorate! He is concerned about farmers killing themselves because of policy changes which impact on their finances - fair enough, but this type of denial of homosexuality is one of the reasons gay people get so depressed and some end up killing themselves.

  4. haha. sounds like the good old boys from my neck og the mountains. i can honestly say i know little of your politics...only ours, which can be a bit least your seem to use plain language...smiles.

  5. OMG- I so indentify with your conumdrum...where are the good people.....aie yie yie...they are all a buncha least here in out in the teeny tiny state of Oregon....soon to be land of no hope at all

  6. Sounds like hes taken a leaf out of good old Joh Bjelke-Petersens book.
    Its all gone very quiet over here about your election results so I am pleased you continue to post up-dates- I need to get in touch with my mates is Toowonga and Dubbo to find out their take on things!

  7. Being from the USA I find him a relief!! At least he admits to five locks on his door and a gun under every bed. Here, the powers that be are under so much tax paid protection, they don't have to admit to ANYTHING. It's the rest of us that have to live with paranoia.

  8. I find it interesting....that it seems like the same people across the spectrum take politics as a profession? Curious? Sometimes we have to try to write about it, try to understand, they are so good a dodging and weaving, double talk and deceit.

  9. He should be locked up. I loathe him. If I lived nearby his paranoia would be justified because I'd be the one hunting him down like the dog he is. How did we get to such a point where we are relying on lunatics like him to run our country? It is so depressing.

  10. With Wilson Tuckey a 'Thing of The Past', (like him or loath him ) we lost a ' Wacky Polly ' who, if nothing else, was ' Good For A Laugh ' .

    Now ' Cat In The Hat ' is the ' Wacky Polly ' and we can at least get our ' Jollies Off ', liking or loathing ' him...

    This ' Parliament ' will ' Shake and Make ' the ' Whole Darn Thing ' or ' Shake and Break', as ' Budgie and His Cronies Whinge and Sing' .

    And 'Whinging ' they are ..* The Cronie Choir* is in 'Session' and the * Whinging is Loud and Clear *
    More fleas please ? ....


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