Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Moore's more-more Maw!

Enormous Johnny Trencherman,
With gluttony was cursed
His rotund middle section
Ever threatening to burst.

And so it did one fateful day
When at a barbecue.
His innards just exploded out
And Johnny’s life was through.

So bits of steak flew all about,
With chops and shish kebab
Mixed up with toxic juices that were
Mainly Coke and Tab.

Some took cover under chairs
While others weren’t so blessed
And some were blown right off their feet,
But all of them were messed.

An eerie silence overwhelmed
The women, kids and men.
As pairs of eyes looked at each other,
Blinked and looked again.

And then the screams and cries began
As people voiced their fright,
And one old dear was heard to mutter;
“Not at all polite!”

So all as one, they scurried off
To shower, scrub and clean,
The hosts were left to gather up
His stomach, bowels and spleen.

They raked and swept and tidied up
For days on end until,
They’d found about enough of him
His casket, to just fill.

Then came deliberations
On what words could be said
Too mark poor Johnny’s passing
While respectful of the dead.

They came up with an epitaph
To best describe his flaw,
But stonemasons are sometimes cursed
With spelling, very poor.

So on his stone, a homophone
Appears forevermore,
The one word that he uttered most:
He’d always asked for ‘More’.


Sir Thomas Moore
He used to snore
With volume quite prepost-er-ous
And some would swear;
“I do declare,
He’s like a hippopotamus!”

Disclaimer: Any similarity to any person living or dead is absolutely intentional.
More Moores can be found at Magpie Tales.


  1. Eye believe the grate Dylan Thomas wood have bin impressed with yore effort!

  2. Surely there couldn't be anyone similar! Great fun. A real treat.

  3. heh heh heh ...Fan-blubby-tastic! I love it when Stafford gives us a little bit More....!!

  4. Wonderful double-whammy! Thank you so much. ♥

  5. Who knew grilling was so dangerous.

  6. oh Stafford- you have out done yourself with this one! More please

  7. I laughed and laughed, spluttered wine on my lap top and was tickled to read a funny instead of a heavy for a change! Great two!

  8. You have excelled yourself Stafford - just hilarious and very clever too :)

  9. Well done! A tonic. I read through wondering "How will he get 'Moore' into it"? Great

  10. you have a dangerous mind there Staffy

  11. You have a style and talent all your own Stafford....you always make me smile!!!

  12. ....and thank you for the picture compliment...it is the real me at my desk and 40 extra pounds. :-)

  13. Laughing! What a wonderful skill and sense of humor. Love this!

  14. I must say that first piece was "not at all polite!" Funniest thing I've read all day! :)

  15. Ford, with a tip of the hat to Bee -- "... tickled to read a funny instead of a heavy ..."

    "... more-more ..."



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