Tuesday 26 June 2012

Orson Welles

His talent was huge, like his size,
His motto was ‘no compromise’.
But though he was fearsome,
And awesome and fulsome,
He never learnt how to tie ties!

 Prompt from Tess's movie collection.

Wednesday 20 June 2012

Scott’s Antarctic Expedition Learns from Nature.

George Levick was the scientist with Scott's ill fated quest to reach the south pole. George was appalled at what he saw as depraved sexual behaviour by male penguins, describing some males as hooligans. To fulfil his obligation to record his findings but to hide his embarrassment, he wrote of the penguins in Greek. His notes have now been released. From a 2012 perspective, inserting moral judgement into a scientific record of the behaviour of animals is extraordinary and laughable. So have a laugh.


In far away Antarctica
George Levick wrote in Greek
“Male penguins there are hooligans
No morals, so to speak”.

“They go around that frozen waste,
Those base bi-sexual lads,
And stick it into anything!
Alive or dead, the cads!”

And so Scott’s men decided they
Would stay until next season
To give them time to teach those penguins
Moral sense and reason.

Alas, a hundred years has passed
And none has been converted
In fact it seems, the men who stayed
Became themselves ‘perverted’.

For look around and you will see
Behaviour that they learned
Has now become so commonplace
It is no longer spurned.

Homosexuals walking free-
Being gay’s an institution,
And penguins of Antarctica
Are safe from retribution.

Monday 18 June 2012

Marital strain.

Our country lane
after rain,
puddles remain
that never drain.

 Muddy stain
on mats are plain.
Explain, no gain
good feelings wane.

 Next time I’ll take my boots off at the door.

 More at Magpie Tales.
PS. Very little time this week, will explain later.

Sunday 10 June 2012

Recycling. Getting to the bottom of it.

All mail was attached to the door,
Of the dunny, when we were all poor.
So, having no tissue
Was never an issue.
We just used our papers once more!

McPhersons Ltd, established in Melbourne in 1860, was the leading supplier of machinery and farm supplies to rural Australasia for a hundred years. What was not commonly known, is that the secret to their success was the famous McPherson's Catalogue.
No, it was not glossy, with glamorous models and high res photos. In fact it was the opposite. Its hundreds of pages were thick, soft and absorbent. So on the backs of dunny doors on farms from Camden to Colgoorlie, from Darwin to Deniliquin, was the perfect toilet tissue, packed with information to be read by chairmen and women across the nation, while they waited for their motions to be passed.

So it was not Chinese imports, strikes, fires or floods that forced that venerable business to move its focus away from its original rural business, it was the invention of the toilet tissue. Is this story true? Defecately!

More e-rude-ecation available at Tess's House where you will find the actual dunny door as pictured above, complete with letters from her Presidential Candidates awaiting their fate. Take a look!

Friday 8 June 2012

Working as a vegetable.

This is a picture of me arriving for work. .

My boss might appear like a fool,
To pay me to swim in his pool.
But he makes a motza
By bottl-ing lotza
Pool water, he markets as Gruel!

Go take a look in Tess's veggie garden for real poetry.
PS. Been out of range all week, almost missed my 101th consecutive magpie!