Monday, 7 June 2010

Flash the Wonder Horse.

I don’t know what it is with teenage girls, but if there is any hint of a possibility, they all want a horse, and so it was with Julia. We had the space and the accommodation so there was no excuse. Well, there was but we didn’t know it then.

Pouring over SMH classifieds, we found the perfect horse. ‘Pony, gelding, good with children, trained and quiet. Ideal first horse’, so we drove down to Mona Vale to the riding school to see him.

Julia was helped aboard and led around the yard, then given the reins to drive herself. He was responsive, obedient and so pretty that she had to have him. We paid up and took him home.

Valium is a wonderful thing. That afternoon Julia rode Flash around the property, walking then trying a bit of trotting, eventually canterting, flushed with success. I am no rider, but I hopped on and did my usual gate checks and shunting of steers around the paddocks on horseback like a real cowboy. He behaved impeccably.

Next day I saddled him up expecting the same but the moment my bum hit the saddle, he was off. No amount of heaving on the bridle could stop him.
Eventually a gate loomed up. I leaned forward preparing for an attempted leap but he propped and I kept going, over his head, hitting the gate and bouncing back to bury my face in a fresh cow pat.

My next move was a call my mate Bob to send down one of his boys to ‘check out a horse I had bought’.
‘Where ja buy ‘im?’
‘Riding school?’
‘Yes, why?’
‘Ya bloody idiot! Why would a riding school wanna sell a good ‘orse?’
‘I dunno.’
‘I bet the damn thing hurt somebody. The bastards pump ’em full of valium long enough to sell ‘em and twenty four hours later it’s your problem!’
‘OK, so I’m a dickhead. Now what?’
‘I’ll send young Bert down.’ Click went the phone cutting off a sigh.

Bert came and the horse looked great under his expert hands and heels, galloping, turning, spinning and jumping. Finally he slid off next to me.
‘Good ‘orse! He c’n go, but he’s a nasty bastard of a thing, he’d kill a kid.’
So that was it. She couldn't keep him.
No point in trying to sell him locally, so we sent him to Wyong sales where nobody would know him. But to be fair, we gave the valium a miss and he sold at a good price, almost what we paid. We thought that was that.

But no, a week later at Mel’s, as soon as Bob saw me, he was out of control, laughing.
‘What’re you laughing at, dopey?’
‘Orr mate, ya won’t believe this!’
‘Ya know that bloody ‘orse a yours, the one ya sent all the way down to bloody Wyong? Well the mongrel of a thing’s back!’
‘One of those silly city buggers bought ‘im there an’ as soon as he was outa the float he took orf ‘n nobody c’n catch ‘im!’
‘Shit! What should I do?’
‘Yer could start by buyin’ me a beer?’
So that’s what I did.


  1. * Two Trick Pony *
    Flick and Retreat
    Prancing, Dancing
    Fire Filled Feet
    Bucking, Chucking
    In Response To a Knee
    Poor Little Fiesty
    Only Wanted To Be Free

  2. I love your stories. I can hear that wonderful dialect.

  3. Don't know horses or cowboy skills. But it is a good friend that's got your back and that's a great story. One would suspect horse doping to win a race -- not so much to find a new home pasture


  4. Stafford, Thank you for the humorous horse tale. I am still grinning and wanting to share a bottle of Foster's with you and your pal. Cheers!

  5. Horsing around again Stafford ...Hee! Haw!

  6. Thanks Willow, and thanks again for Magpie. Fun and a window to other writers.
    Butterfly and Zany... you will have to decide who you are ;)
    And welcome back QwkDrw. Looking forward to your next post!

  7. Oh dear, poor Julia - and such a pretty horse. Have people got not scruples?

  8. No, GB, they don't. That's why the term 'horse trader' was coined! My youngest (Jess) was sold a horse that tried to kill her by throwing itself sideways at her against the rails of the horse yard. That one went to the knackery!
    But there have been really good horses and good sellers of good horses. Lesson? Always take an expert when you shop!

  9. Stafford, you already made me laugh twice today :-) thank yo for your kind and funny comment, I do agree Life=a home funny video (gosh, you don't wanna see all my life on it though :-) and I couldn't agree more - we for sure need to be able to laugh at ourselves :-). As for your 'horse' story, that's hilarious :-)) once I went to ride a horse with my work colleague, so excited as I'm a animal lover, first brushing and doing all the smelly job and then finally she let me sit on her horse; I think the horse hated me or maybe he wanted to end the suffering that was going on in my life at that time, he basically went like crazy, trying to get rid of me; I'm still shaking as I type it - lol. It ended up well. I never sat on a horse since then. But I love to watch them. They for sure are beautiful creatures. G'day to Australia :-)

  10. ohh, I forgot (didn't sleep much you know ...) you can call me 'Birdie' ;-)

  11. Poor you! Was it a deep cow pat....? I've stepped in many of those over the years...!

  12. Birdie, you are the rare person who can understand the nembarrassment of a country boy who can drive everything from a bull dozer to a light plane but cannot stay on a horse!

    And Lena, it wes a deep cow pat and the reality was worse, because the gate also had barbed wire. The story was long enough so I spared you the gory details and the immeniate aftermath which was me dragging the poor beast to a ploughed paddock and in anger, making him galllop up and down in the soft dirt util he was totally buggered. No wonder he never wanted to be caught ever again!

  13. heh heh! Oh, my! Not a dull moment, then...?


    awards 4 u,

  15. Thank you Jingle, I am honoured!


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