tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post6832687191522401984..comments2023-10-18T00:03:31.222+10:00Comments on Stafford Ray: When friends really matter.Stafford Rayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03048757515249725540noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-30165907176173291852012-04-30T13:06:25.531+10:002012-04-30T13:06:25.531+10:00I have been thinking about you alot this past week...I have been thinking about you alot this past week and worrying that you were having a very hard time. ( yeah I am a fix it and do it kinda person also )<br />You have written much needed words for a lot of us. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us- I know I will need them in the future.Kathe W.https://www.blogger.com/profile/06781645436343424010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-3862783689240707802012-04-22T06:53:18.072+10:002012-04-22T06:53:18.072+10:00There has been a bit of wailing and sobbing but t...There has been a bit of wailing and sobbing but these are the times when the differences between friends and acquaintances becomes clear. Thanks Friko.Stafford Rayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03048757515249725540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-89600144987375144032012-04-22T06:40:51.556+10:002012-04-22T06:40:51.556+10:00Last week was the lying around week, this week is ...Last week was the lying around week, this week is the week of lists. However did you get the idea I might be a 'do something' kind of person??<br />My daughter Julia and I agree that we were sent to Earth to solve all its problems. Trouble is, we often fail. And worse, we feel bad about those failures over which we could never have been expected to have control. <br />The list is made for this week!Stafford Rayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03048757515249725540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-90763855363877111352012-04-22T06:33:33.106+10:002012-04-22T06:33:33.106+10:00The water spirits are always good to me, but the p...The water spirits are always good to me, but the poor things have had mud in their eyes lately. I guess you noticed how muddy the whole harbour was on Thursday! First time I have ever seen <br />Sailors Bay (Middle Harbour) looking the colour of a flooded creek!<br />I was at Mosman on Friday and it seemed the whole harbour was still a bit yucky.<br />Coming back here Friday night, the dinghy went through some patches of water totally covered in debris. Had to stop the motor several times to avoid damage to the prop. That must be a first for pristine Cowan Creek!<br />Feeling a lot better today.Stafford Rayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03048757515249725540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-34965375411855227522012-04-22T06:25:36.149+10:002012-04-22T06:25:36.149+10:00Last week I saw no boats or people for a few days,...Last week I saw no boats or people for a few days, and this week might be a similar week. But I do feel energy returning and have a list of things to get through so IXL's boat can be returned to its berth. Then I can get into a marina near to to where she needs to be for her new job and I can spend most of my time near her.Stafford Rayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03048757515249725540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-26654904346508580722012-04-22T06:20:32.773+10:002012-04-22T06:20:32.773+10:00You are right Bruce, there was not a lot of self c...You are right Bruce, there was not a lot of self care going on last week and I suddenly felt much older! But over the last few days, things are beginning to look a bit brighter.Stafford Rayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03048757515249725540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-19280652556028935352012-04-22T05:40:15.195+10:002012-04-22T05:40:15.195+10:00I hope you will find the opportunity to wail and s...I hope you will find the opportunity to wail and sob, while a good friends lets you unburden yourself, if you need to do so.<br /><br />Friends are easy to come by but a real friend is one in a million.Frikohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04277167831642088694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-48533361844350297172012-04-21T01:37:23.601+10:002012-04-21T01:37:23.601+10:00Two things you said, that were so true for me. It...Two things you said, that were so true for me. It takes time, and the "acceptance." Acceptance is so hard, especially if you are a "do something" kind of person. One who" fixes" things. Acceptance takes a lot of physical energy, even though it might seem you are just sitting, or lying around. Over time, things just seem to fall into place, as everything runs through your mind. Friends can be helpful, but on the other hand, they don't like to see you grieve. I thought things were too funny, too sad, I guess you would call it unbalanced. I did need time. After everyone left, I was afraid to go out, I was afraid I would get lost, my sister helped me, and suggested I could make a list. Something so simple, and yet so helpful. My heart goes out to you.annell4https://www.blogger.com/profile/07629830133868270690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-74476219459103538862012-04-20T16:55:55.252+10:002012-04-20T16:55:55.252+10:00I just wanted to say I care about you a lot, Staff...I just wanted to say I care about you a lot, Stafford. And I have been thinking of you. Hope the spirits of the water have been looking after you xxxxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-53349166546242621322012-04-20T09:07:11.484+10:002012-04-20T09:07:11.484+10:00I hope you aren't on that boat by yourself for...I hope you aren't on that boat by yourself for too long! May the dolphins and seagulls provide some smiles (and there is always the phone and email) and may yee get to a berth with speed.Gabrielle Brydenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764860288982470482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-81347900220410131772012-04-20T08:07:19.034+10:002012-04-20T08:07:19.034+10:00Grief is never easy, Stafford, but it will lessen ...Grief is never easy, Stafford, but it will lessen with time. But take care of yourself. Too many people overcome with grief forget that.Catalysthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03804837416104556928noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-39079173241577116422012-04-20T05:58:53.749+10:002012-04-20T05:58:53.749+10:00I came back because I wanted to say; I doubt there...I came back because I wanted to say; I doubt there was any hypocrisy at this funeral. At some, where 'one must be seen' offering condolence, such as one where one's absence might influence a career. At this funeral there were none of those, but some came who did not know him, but came to express their support for the survivors. It was those to whom the post was directed, to remind them that support is most needed after the initial flurry of activity when the soul searching begins.Stafford Rayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03048757515249725540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-41499604170975564142012-04-19T18:22:50.305+10:002012-04-19T18:22:50.305+10:00Gems indeed! I think you are right about discoveri...Gems indeed! I think you are right about discovering friends, most of mine just seemed to happen. Thanks Hank!Stafford Rayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03048757515249725540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-74736868145658350142012-04-19T12:14:28.973+10:002012-04-19T12:14:28.973+10:00While not wanting to appear unconcerned but playin...While not wanting to appear unconcerned but playing safe all those excuses were laid on the table. As you've rightly said it enhanced the guilt. Not just that it also brought out to the open the hypocrisy that abound. Real friends are gems that are discovered rather than made. Great thoughts,Stafford!<br /><br /><br />Hankkaykualahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03240206222973305395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-88918608879601026562012-04-19T05:38:22.750+10:002012-04-19T05:38:22.750+10:00Being a mother, watching a child of any age, die s...Being a mother, watching a child of any age, die slowly in agony must be the very worst of human experiences, much worse than our current suffering, as painful as that is.<br />PS. With a name like momto8 there was no need to identify yourself as Catholic! :-)Stafford Rayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03048757515249725540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-26391265375410839032012-04-19T05:32:36.650+10:002012-04-19T05:32:36.650+10:00Thanks for the thoughts and although I am a non-be...Thanks for the thoughts and although I am a non-believer, I still respect the power of prayer to concentrate thoughts and bring solace to those suffering. So thank you for the prayers too.Stafford Rayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03048757515249725540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-18752673910018644832012-04-19T02:32:57.259+10:002012-04-19T02:32:57.259+10:00Friends who listen and take seriously our comments...Friends who listen and take seriously our comments can be very helpful in such times, but ones who only share platitudes and philosophical concepts become like Job's friends in the Bible, increasing the level of pain or frustration. <br /><br />I am praying for you during this time.Donald Fishgrabhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11977970195032209188noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-9340027179593821312012-04-18T23:17:20.359+10:002012-04-18T23:17:20.359+10:00as Catholics we look to Mary ...she could not do a...as Catholics we look to Mary ...she could not do anything about the murder of her son...but stay at the foot of the cross.momto8https://www.blogger.com/profile/13964950285763339907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-17183238918464961972012-04-18T21:08:00.838+10:002012-04-18T21:08:00.838+10:00It so happens that I am alone on Heavy Metal and h...It so happens that I am alone on Heavy Metal and have been for most of the last two weeks because she can't be left on an anchor and we do not have a berth here.<br />IXL has a live-in job and she must be there, so the only means of contact is phone and net. Your support is really helping.Stafford Rayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03048757515249725540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-59710437419503910092012-04-18T21:02:47.031+10:002012-04-18T21:02:47.031+10:00I heard an author talking about that on the radio ...I heard an author talking about that on the radio yesterday and he offered the idea that if we trawl through the garbage bin of anyone's life, we are sure to come up with some rubbish.Stafford Rayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03048757515249725540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-81058181959008140662012-04-18T21:00:03.823+10:002012-04-18T21:00:03.823+10:00Thanks Sue, I spoke about that at the funeral for ...Thanks Sue, I spoke about that at the funeral for all of us who did try to help over the years, and read this poem that appeared in my blog a couple of weeks ago.<br />Hindsight.<br />Foresight can one’s life enrich<br />Lack of it, our dreams unstitch.<br />Ignorance, they say is bliss<br />But hindsight can be a cruel bitch!Stafford Rayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03048757515249725540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-4822811253442775272012-04-18T20:05:47.023+10:002012-04-18T20:05:47.023+10:00When a loved one dies of unnatural causes the grie...When a loved one dies of unnatural causes the grieving process is very different to the normal one (which is bad enough). We rack ourselves with guilt, what if we had done this or done that ... we have to somehow take on the responsibility of our loved ones vulnerability - if only we had been stronger and more able to cope with their problems they would never have been in that situation etc. As you may have guessed Sean jumped the queue and left us all in the state of wondering how we could have prevented it - I still don't know the answer, but I've learned to live with not knowing it. A friend of mine over here lost her son in frighteningly similar circumstances to yours, you do need lots of friends around you now ... don't be too proud to let them help you through it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-71460354017911189142012-04-18T16:51:55.348+10:002012-04-18T16:51:55.348+10:00I guess the point is, we all live in 'the mome...I guess the point is, we all live in 'the moment', with thoughts of the past and future whirling about us. I agree with Sue J, all too often, hindsight leaves a way open for us to chastise ourselves. I can't call on you, but I can send you my very best wishes.Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13494219959077922220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-21598995211491552332012-04-18T15:49:47.707+10:002012-04-18T15:49:47.707+10:00It's easy for us all to be wise in hindsight, ...It's easy for us all to be wise in hindsight, Stafford, but we're all only human with all the frailties that that encompasses.<br />My thoughts are with you.Sue Jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15864986500627496240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498398785015106016.post-82921664771038628302012-04-18T15:29:58.675+10:002012-04-18T15:29:58.675+10:00Thanks Kylie, I was thinking of someone else when ...Thanks Kylie, I was thinking of someone else when I wrote it but your comment prompted such a wave of sorrow, I guess I need absolution too.Stafford Rayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03048757515249725540noreply@blogger.com